silence

silence is wind
silence is class
silence is attitude
silence is a lot of time given-taken
silence is apparent cowardice
silence is to be filled with love
silence is responsibility
silence is blue
silence is freezing cold
silence is fear
silence is bottling up
silence is to be filled with shame
silence is light
silence is listening
silence is axiety
silence is to be firm
silence is bearing
silence is anger......
i've lost my voice. 

the taste of victory

he takes the blue couch n on him comes the spot light

that was The stage, that night

thousands of emotions rush through the mind, amidst thousands of fears and thousands of people, while he performs

a chase, for eternity, like a stallion in a snowstorm.

       the sound of the writing pen, he writes with, is deafening him

he's unable to tolerate it.he puts the blame on the paper and the angle of the pen and the writing posture and...

       he strikes a match, instinctively, to put an end to the noise

just to divert the energy on the flame, slowly burning down the stick

the desire for victory, racing through the debris of fear...

staring at the fresh smoking burn

the heat stealthily creeps into his senses and finally reaches his breath, surging and dipping,

gives he, a firm pause and then stands up.

the snowstorm is hurting him no more.

the performance, that night, couldn't be better!

a roar of applause, euphoric though, stings a nascent silence inside him.

:-) "i'm missing the struggle. the struggle, i struggled to win, i won.", sighs he.

the play ends...

i want it that way

it was a sunday morning, not quite bright for me until...
the night was weary, i couldn stop worrying..
as i thought n rethought, on my choice of duties over opportunities..
duties are after all clauses for a lifetime
i'm up from  the bed now. i open the gallery which is still wet with the rain last night...
how i wish life, to all, was only about today and not yesterday, not tomorrow..
i leave my neck, lay naked to the morning air, curls in the hair hang fearlessly, ready to face the sun that may rise, or that may not.
 the morn-chill runs down my spine n it spreads all over. from my lips to the fingertips.
"luck is the magnitude of ur wanting", i remember, arguing in front of the interviewer for my first job
and  the instinct that made me say so, struck it's stroke once agin n yes! now i'm convinced that u get wat u always actually wanted.
after al it's all about getting convinced isn't it...
like an ink drop that's just fallen on a tissue, so clear, i want this conviction to get into me n create a permanent stain; life is anyway not only about today...

i'm full of you...

when my sleep gets it's first distraction in the morning, i look at my mobile,
i think of you.
when i gaze at the brightly lit tube light in the room, my sight gets blue,
i think of you.
when i feel the tinge of mint in the toothpaste,
i think of you.
at the first nerve twitch, when i start bathing,
i think of you.
when hot coffee burns my tongue up,
i think of you.
when i realize that a favorite dress doesn't fit me any more,
i think of you.
the power goes out.
when i flip my fingers across the candle flame,
i think of you.
i slide my feet into my favorite floaters, leave the door open and start.
at the gush of air when i sing loud n beautiful,
i think of you.
when i walk past my favorite curve on my favorite road,
i think of you.
when the deafening horn of a passing train makes me yell,
i think of you.
when i think of chasing,
i think of you.
when i strongly try not to bite the fingernails,
i think of you.
when the olfactory senses fresh smell of paint,
i think of you...
I've started my day, an early day indeed. i am walking baby..
walking towards my myth...
it's the journey meant for me, i know.
because the journey is full of you,
I'm full of you..
I'm indeed full of you.

open up!

open ur minds to something u always doubted

open ur hearts n the desires in it, to The Forbidden

open ur abilities to situations u've always ignored

open urselves to the fears u dread

open ur smiles to strangers who actually make u smile

open ur love to a dimension where "thank you" can be the answer for "i hate you" [:-)]

open ur expectations to a state where letting go is allowed too

let's explore

let's circumpass old boundaries,

let's burn with a new juvenility,

nothing can make u happier, than finding the right thing at the wrong place

n if u don't find ur frequency of resonance

ki farak pendhae! do it all over again,

life doesn't end anyway ;) we have a long way to go!

i want to cry, but i dont...

Truth succumbs everyone. Someday.
i go to the beach all by myself... with the urge to face the truth... i follow the undisturbed foot prints of the crows i don't even see often, with immense belief. no doubt that they'll lead me to the journey i desire....
i slowly listen the wet shore gushing loudly, with all it's grace. the sound becomes louder. in no time the sound raises to such a volume that a 50 yr young father who was sitting next to me, watching his 19yr old son standing amidst the waves, humming "purani jeans aur guitar...", i could hear him. the waves got louder wen a blue butterfly crosses. tossing my left ear.. i was lost. i went back to my days when amma told me "attipapppa (my maternal uncle) was the one who gave u ur name." memories are very strange. and so is life. and so am i!! he's no more now... i want to cry, but i don't! the last time i was hit by the same feeling was wen i was trying to give appa the tighest of all hugs, i've ever given him and he refuses to get indulged. i want to cry, but i don't. is it the disappointment that's bothering me?? or is it the attitude, my attitude that i carefully took pains to shape, that tellls me, "try and understand the system, it's frequency. you'll know what it is..." this was new to me! i thought i knew everyhting about myself.

i suddenly come out of the loud cluster of memories, the father n son had vanished, wen the waves get bigger, gently caress my feet n slide back. i continue to look at the big sea, so vast, right in front of me.
i suddenly look at the horizon... i follow the horizon... from west of it, trough it, to the east of it... with a sudden realization i look around at the farthest places all around.. making a 360 degree glance. i realize that the earth's actually round in shape!! for me to realiz3 that it's an oblate spheroid, wil take much more time n interest but,
i'm sure i'll find sense in what the attitude tried to tel ....
Truth succumbs everyone. Someday.

She loves... :)

she loves the way water runs through the easopahgus inside, when she's just got a window seat and the bus is jam-packed!
she loves the way she recalls herself admiring the gargling sound, of her baby nephew, beautifully making it's appearence in the middle of his loud cry...
she loves the way it rains outside.
she loves it when it dawns upon her that the window beside her, that's closed, is as clean as the pouring rain, outside.
she loves the way the window pane turns moist.
she loves the way  she recalls her glasses steaming up while gently blowing hot coffee and the way it disappears as swiftly as it came!
she loves the way she gets reminded of Amir saying "aal iz well"....
And she loves the way she draws a smiley on that moist window pane... :)
when she finally sets herself free from all the stares and scoldings she managed to earn while boarding the running bus !!